H e b r e w T r e e

Today started out absolutely amazing. Ben came over around 10—unexpected—and surprised me with a blowdryer! I know. This probably doesn’t seem like a very amazing thing to happen, but I’ve been blowdryerless since I got to Utah and every time I ventured out to buy one, I would get lost. It was the cutest thing ever. I LOVED IT! I got up and mailed Michelle’s postcard—the first Tuesday of Postcard Tuesday’s—and I cannot go into detail of the amazing postcard until she received it, but lets just say that I hope a Mormon postman doesn’t see it because it might get “lost in the mail”. I ventured over to my new favorite place, The Coffee Garden, and caught up with my blogging since I am jobless until next Thursday. After a good couple hours at the Coffee Garden, I decide to try and find the Walmart to pick up some needs. I don’t know how I become so lost all the time, but I…yes…got freaking lost! The thing that I have to learn is the difference between 1300 South, and 1300 East. I went down the wrong way on the wrong 1300 and. Got. Lost. The only good thing about getting lost in a foreign state that you just moved too is that you are bound to, hopefully, find cool places. (It also helps that I live in a “downtown” and everyone knows that downtown are cool places.) In my time of lost…ness, I found…are you ready?



A BEAD STORE!!!



I know. I know! I was just as excited as you are now! I found a bead store in Huntington once but it was closed and I never got to go back and make anything. So, since I was lost and I had nothing to do…because I don’t have a job yet…I stopped in. I walked in and was so excited I think I squealed. I was under the impression that the owners were an old married couple, totally awesome, and not very responsive to my extreme excitement. I told them my whole bead store story and then I started. I was browsing the store looking at all the cool things and beads and stuff. I couldn’t decide what to make, and then. It came to me. I will make a keychain!

And I did!

It was seriously so fun! I can’t get over how much I enjoyed the whole experience. I’m taking Michelle there in three weeks when she gets here. I finally call Ben and let him know that I have no idea where I am and he gets me home an hour before I’m suppose to meet him, Gretchin. and two new people who are from Ute-Nited. I got there right on time and went into the bathroom and stood next to this girl who was fixing her hair and I wanted to ask her so badly if her name was Kelly, but I refrained. She walked out before me and then I walked out to see her hugging Ben and turns out that WAS Kelly! (The gal I was meeting!) We laughed at the fact that we listened to each other pee which makes us automatic friends now. We ate at Olive Garden and had a really good time. Ben and I went back to Nate and Bekah’s and listened to the wind for a little while. I love that about Utah. The Storms here are suppose to be crazy awesome and I only heard a fraction of one yesterday. We ended up going to Walmart together so that I wouldn’t get lost again tomorrow and got my goods. We went back and Ben fell asleep around 9 on my bed and I cleaned my room. A real nice and easy night, if I do say so myself. He ended up leaving at about 1am after a horrible conversation about the “what if I get in a car accident on my way home and DIE” talk. I hate what if’s. They give me nightmares.

Day Five: Lost.

Today was very uneventful, unfortunately. I got in really late last night and so I didn’t even get out of bed until 12:30, but I didn’t feel so bad when I woke Ben up at 1 when I called. I ventured out this afternoon to Barnes and Noble to see if I could talk to any other manager about my job. I still can’t believe Donna, the manager I had been conversing with these past couple months went on vacation until the 24th and forgot to call me for my phone interview. Anyway, I spoke with the guy at the customer service desk and he said that even if I talked with another manager, they wouldn’t be able to do anything because Donna is the only one who does the hiring. I walked out feeling very defeated and stressed because I have bills to pay and really cannot afford to not be working for 10 days. On my way back home, I stumbled across this really cool old record place. They sold old records and posters and some postcards, but not many. I talked with the guy in there and he gave me some good ideas to make my own postcards from old record covers. He showed me some of his own work and I thought that wasn’t too bad an idea. Then Michelle would get very original and uniquely made by me postcards. He gave me a bunch of free postcards that advertisers give their store and I thought that was perfect! There is nothing wrong with free stuff. As I was leaving he informed me that they always have tons of boxes of ol records for only a dollar. (They are the ones that are about to be thrown out so it’s like a last chance to buy them) I immediately thought about Jamie. I might just send her some? (Oh great. Now it can’t be a surprise if she reads this.) I went back to the house and in my fit of defeat, turned on the T.V. and wasted a couple hours soaking in Myth Busters and Full House. Bekah came home and we chatted for a while and she suggested that if I want to apply anywhere else for the time being and if I wanted to work at another coffee house that there was this really cool place on 9th and 9th and they have AWESOME coffee. I figured that it would at least be a good 2nd job, so I decided to go check it out. When I got there, I could tell that I was going to love it. It’s the coolest little coffee house and with the coolest people. I ordered an iced mocha and seriously, the BEST one I’ve EVER HAD. No lie. So I asked for an application and noticed that they had free Wi-Fi and decided to catch up on my emails and internet life. I met Ben at church—he was leading worship for the little kids—and I had planned on talking with the gal in charge of that to see if I could get connected in helping or leading something but I was late and didn’t want to wait around for her because it would have been a couple hours so I figure I can just talk to her on Sunday. Ben and I went to the park afterwards and played around with the Frisbee and he taught me a couple techniques before I tackled him to the ground. It was so nice being outside. If there’s anything I absolutely love instantly about moving to Utah it’s the outdoors. Tree’s are everywhere; beautiful green huge tree’s. The mountains are so close, the sky seems to be bigger, the air is fresh, it’s warm during the day, and cool during the night. Ugh. It’s amazing. And everyone seems to have a dog. Which I envy. I WANT A DOG SO BAD. Everyone also seems to take advantage of the weather and air here because everywhere you look people are outside riding bikes, jogging, waking their dog, playing in the parks. It’s AWESOME. After the park, Ben taught me how to drive his stick shift. I only drove from one side to the other until I was over the idea of learning and let Ben example a good stick driver verses a bad one. We came back to his house and made Mac and cheese and I wrote a complaint to U-Haul about their poor customer service. My mother would be so proud. Her famous line was always, “I’m writing a letter. What is your name?” After that we watched some T.V. and laughed. We laughed so much, and about nothing. Just being with him and not having that feeling of “this will all soon be over” is so great. It’s so…NORMAL. The way it’s suppose to be. Ben and I went for a walk before we fell asleep on his couch and woke up at 1am and once again I return to my quarters late, tired, and totally okay with it all.

Day Four: well done.

I got in so late last night, I couldn’t believe that I got out of bed so easily and quickly. I woke up this morning at 8:30 am and went to K2 with Bekah and Nate. I really enjoyed their church. I think one of the coolest things about their church is that it’s right next to a train station and so every 10 minutes the entire building vibrates. (P.S. Bekah and Nat didn’t hear anything last night. I had left a note apologizing if I woke them and they laughed and said I could have robbed them blind and they would have never known.) The pastor at K2 just started a new series and it was about proving there is a God. It was really interesting. He used the example of a courtroom and we were the jury. He “presented” his case and reminded us that is wasn’t about proving absolute certainty but about proving reasonable doubt. He used the idea of “clues” God gives like morality; the innate knowing of good verses bad. Design; think of an iPod and all it’s intricacies. Did was there just…and explosion one day in a lab and all of the sudden there was an iPod? Or did it have design? A purpose? Experiences; the God-encountering experiences of life. I really enjoyed it. If it’s online, I’ll be sure to add this series to the recommended list. After church Bekah invited me to go on a bike ride with her and Jackie. I was so excited! One thing I’m supper excited for is the inevitable fact that by living with Bekah and Nate, I’ll be sure to get in better shape. They are CRAZY amazing at biking and hiking and extreme sports. I’m so excited. So Bekah and I road to Jackie’s house—about a mile and half away. I felt so out of shape! I was already tired. The bike I was riding was a mountain bike, equipped with gears and special peddles. The gear on the left is for the bigger gear, 1 is the easiest and 3 is the hardest. The gears on left go from 1 to 5 in the same order of difficulty and so say you’re going up a hill, you want to shift into a higher gear so you are not working harder than the bike. Mind you—I’ve never ridden a mountain bike, let alone know how or when or why to even shift gears. We start out and approach this massive hill. (Okay, so it wasn’t massive, but it was a hill nonetheless.) I am DYING! I feel like I’m working harder than the bike and Bekah and Jackie are breezing it. I feel like I shouldn’t be this horrible, but half way up I have to get off and in a frantic pant, I walk to where Bekah and Jackie are waiting for me at the top of this hill. I felt like no matter what I did, my peddles seemed to be doing no work. After a while, and a really hard work out I figure out that it becomes easier when you’re in a higher gear for hills and I had been in 3 (on the left) and 1 (on the right). WHAT AN IDIOT! No wonder the bike kicked my ass. I WAS working harder than the bike. I laughed and told the girls that next time, I’ll be able to keep up, now that I figured out how to ride a bike again. After our 7 miles bike ride, Ben came over and we returned the stupid trailer, FINALLY. He had to be at church for the Deeper service (which is a once a month (I think?) service for communion) at 3 so he didn’t stay for very long. I ended up falling asleep and taking a good 3 hour nap in the cool bottom level of the house. I awoke around 6:30 pm to find an adorable baby boy by the name of Isaac crawling around the kitchen. He. WAS. SO. CUTE! He will be one year this week and we became pretty good friends. He kind of reminded me of a small animal. The only reason I say this is because as soon as he started crying all you would have to do is give him food and he would be fine. OH MY GOSH. Stinkin ADORABLE! His parents were Alison and Brandon who were the sweetest and most gorgeous mom and dad ever. Both with bright blue eyes and blonde hair—you can imagine the cute little Isaac now. Jackie and Jessica and Ben came over soon after and we enjoyed some good ol’ BBQ Nate whooped up out back. I got corn on the cob, which I have to admit was a good idea. It was so good and although have horrifying memories of corn on the cob during the 4 years I sported braces—mmm. Delish. Ben and I went back to his house to watch the movie we rented, Lions for Lambs, and it was a really good movie. I wish my head wasn’t throbbing with pain; I’m sure it would have been more enjoyable. Once again I arrived back home rather later and quite exhausted.


Day Three: Worked.

Day two started out with an adventure. I woke up late to begin with and today I was going to venture off and take my first drive by myself. I was suppose to go to Ben’s at noon, but I didn’t get up until 11:30am. I sat and talked with Bekah for a little while and then headed over to Ben’s. What I didn’t realize was that I was headed the wrong way. The night before, Ben drew me a map so that I could just follow that. He didn’t include any directions as to which freeway direction I was suppose to take, so as I’m approaching the freeway, I get on the first entrance ramp, I-80 North which takes me to the I-15 North, which is the opposite direction on Ben’s house. I then remember Ben saying something about passing OVER the first freeway. I end up driving all the way to Ogden, a city about an hour away. Although it was a nice drive and amazing landscaping to look at, Ben and I were suppose to unload the trailer, return it and make it to Evan’s track meet by 2—and it was already 12:45pm, and I’m sitting in Ogden. I end up meeting Ben and Paul off the side of the freeway and we drive with Paul to Evan’s track meet—which by the way was the State meet. We ended up coming home and unloading the trailer but not returning it because of lack of time. Ben had to be at church by 3:30pm and it was already pushing 4pm. When Ben left for church I decided to go exploring and went to a little shopping area and decided to eat at a little hamburger place called Astro Burger. It was a Greek fast food place and was UH-MAZE-ING. As I was sitting there enjoying my delicious astro burger, a heavier man with white hair and a smile that’s corners reached his ears is all of the sudden asking me from a couple tables over where I was from. I looked around, maybe he was talking to someone else, but no, he was looking directly at me. I answer, “California.” And he continues to say, “Oh my goodness! What part of California?! And what brings you to Utah?” I smile and invite myself to his table; I’m so excited! A new person! Thoughts start racing through my head like “I wonder if he’s Mormon? How do I answer why I’m here to a Mormon? What if he’s a creeper?” I just go for it. I tell him the last two reasons why I moved first, “Well, I support myself, and cost of living is so much cheaper here. My boyfriend also lives here; he was the impulse.” And then I awkwardly say, “But…the main reason why I’m here is because of the awesome opportunity God has given me…to do ministry…um…but…I’m not…LDS…?” and then there’s a pause.

Oh no.

Am I about to be spit on or something?

The old man looks at me and with an outburst says, “Oh Goodness! Those Mormons are CRAZY! It’s a cult you know? I’m Greek Orthodox, and let me tell you…those Mormons…Weeiirrdd.”
I take a breath and smile wanting to laugh, but I felt it rude in case any Mormons were looking or listening in. We start talking about Utah and Steve gets a napkin and starts doodling on it all the cool places to go to and “There’s a Christian bookstore on 2100 South and 3000 East…” and draws it on there. He would ask me a question and then wouldn’t let me answer it, interrupting me with another question. This guy was crazy! I love it! He told me that if I ever needed anything, help with anything, or need help finding a place that sales _____” to give him a call and he gave me his number and also invited me to the “biggest bbq this state has—bigger than the Utah state fair” at his church. I just might go.


After talking with Steve, I left and went into Michael’s Arts and Crafts, browsed for about half an hour and ended up buying an easy toilet shaped suduko book. I had about 30 minutes to still kill before I headed to church so I went into Ross and got a few things and then met Ben at Draper at South Mountain Community Church, which is the name of his dad’s church (SMCC). The service was about forgiveness and I really liked it. Just being at church, which is now my church, with Ben, blew my mind. It’s so nice to be able to worship with Ben. There’s something so intimate about surrendering to God with the person you love. They played the song “Be Glorifed” and as I’m in mid-worship I really start questioned if everything that I do glorifies God and what that looks like. After church Ben and I go for coffee and we just sat outside in the beautiful weather and talked. Talked about everything. Including the thought I had about glorifying God. Ben used the example that when he’s playing guitar—he LOVES it. He loves it and he’s good at it. And he gives that love for it and the gratitude and everything about it to God. That’s how God is glorified in that. After a while we ran into Ian and his friend and we talked for about another half hour before we parted and decided to go grocery shopping. As we were walking into Smith’s Market at 11pm, both Ben and I acknowledged that this was our first time grocery shopping together. I was so excited! I have to be honest, I am SO thrilled to experience the new things that we get to do together that’s suppose to be normal. We still hug like it’s the first time in a while, and I hope we don’t become desensitized over the little things like that. We browsed the store and decided we’d get one more box of Mac and cheese and make it back at Ben’s—even though it was already midnight. We ended up boiling water and falling asleep and waking up to a loud boil and just driving back non-Mac and cheesed. I walked in around 2 and tripped over myself so many times and dropped a bad of groceries while I was at it too. The bags were so loud, I was so nervous I was going to wake Bekah and Nate up. Before the move, one of my worries about a decision I had to make was what church I was going to go to on the first Sunday I was here. I thought about what was going to happen afterwards, and all this crazy stuff. Michelle is probably dying to know what I decided, she was the one I was gabbing all about this too. I decided on going to church in the morning with Beckah and Nate to their church, K2. I’m pretty excited to get to hang out with Bekah and Nate and go to their church. Hopefully we’ll get to return that damn trailer tomorrow.

Day Two: Good.

After 16 long hours in a car with Ben, myself, and the overpriced U-Haul trailer following closely behind Polly, my Plymouth Breeze [whom really should not have been towing anything] I am here.
I reside in Salt Lake City, Utah.
The drive was good, no flat tires or break downs, gas mileage was horrible, and all in all I spent about 250 dollars to get here in gas. This does not include the 360 dollars I spent on the hitch and installation of the hitch and the 145 dollars I spent on renting the trailer. Total costs of this move was about 755 dollars. Whoa. Saying that out loud hurts a little bit.
Besides the cost factor, everything else was awesome. I’ve been waiting to see Ben for so long and this last time was the longest I had gone without seeing him—it was torture. When I picked him up from the airport it was like everything that had been holding on to me; the stress, the missing, work, inconveniences, parking tickets—everything was melted away and the only thing holding me now was Ben. Pure bliss and to be quite honest, I couldn’t have gone another day. Not patiently anyways. We got to hang out for the rest of that day and then met up with Beth and Jeremy for dinner and coffee. It was so nice being able to hang out with another couple AS a couple. We had such a good time at the Macaroni Grill and afterwards when we went to Starbucks Ben played Beth’s guitar and we all sang worship songs. It ended a perfect night. The next day we got the hitch installed and the trailer put on and then went to the beach. We drove to Corona Del Mar for a more quiet and relaxed spot. Ben was pretty anxious to wear his new swim trunks which were no trunks at all—they were water polo bottoms—which was basically a Speedo. Think booty shorts/spandex. I’m not gonna lie. The entire beach was jealous that I was the lucky girl who was lying next to him.
After a couple hours at the beach we went to my Uncles to load the trailer with everything that I own. I’m glad to say that I don’t think it’s a lot. We loaded about ¾ of the 4x8 trailer and a few things in the back of my car. After spending a little time with my aunt and uncle, we headed over to Claim Jumper to celebrate Jamison’s 27th birthday. Michelle came too. I also got to meet Jamison’s new girlfriend. She was really nice and I think someone who will be good for Jamison. Hopefully she can shape him up. During dinner, Michelle gave me this amazing going away gift of pictures of her and I in black in white in a beautiful frame. Each picture had a story behind it and I couldn’t hold back the tears. We hugged and then took about a million pictures. I love her so much. I also got to say goodbye to Jamie whom I will miss terribly. She was my best friend at Concordia University. She’s coming to visit in December, so that will be nice. Thursday we left for the long drive and arrival to…home. We left a little later than originally planned but we were in no rush. The drive started out really normal and as soon as we got the 15, we stopped to eat at Carl’s Jr. and then the realization of what was about to happen came. I was moving to Utah. I didn’t have to remind myself of when I was leaving. So many times Ben and I would be caught in that particular hug; the one that says “I don’t want to say goodbye.” And then we’d look at each other and realize this time—there’s no goodbye.

W e i r d.

So we get going and it isn’t until about 200 miles that we stop for gas and figured out that we get about 13 miles to the gallon because of that darn trailer. I had been reading a little bit of my newest book, Leaving the Saints, and was just in amazement of the Mormon religion and their weird wedding rituals. I couldn’t get that out of my head. Anyways after a while we pass through Las Vegas and eventually stop to eat at this really awesome Mexican restaurant where we sat behind this big group of old men who had just finished a game of golf and they were making Ben and I crack up. I don’t even remember half the stuff they said, but it was funny. We started out for the last stretch when about an hour later I needed to stop for a bathroom. I had to pee so bad that when I went in I just saw the bathroom and asked the cashier if I needed a key and he said no. I walked in and to my surprise there was a urinal. I immediately thought, “Oh. That’s weird. Co-ed bathroom. Must be a Utah thing?” and used the bathroom. The entire time I’m thinking to myself how weird that would be to be in here with a male. I open the door and Ben is right outside and I say to him, “Ben! It’s a co-ed bathroom!” He looks at me and laughs and says, “No. It’s the Men’s bathroom.” I was so embarrassed. I didn’t even think that I could have gone into the wrong bathroom. I hid in Ben’s sleeve for a couple seconds before we got our energy drink and headed for Draper. I managed to get a horrible headache and slept for an hour before I awoke. I really didn’t want to sleep because it wasn’t fair to Ben—He had been driving the whole way. We ended up stopping off at this desolate road to take a “catnap” and rest for about 30-45 minutes before finishing the long drive. We finally got here at about 4am and laid down for a little bit before saying goodnight and passing out in our own rooms. We woke up at about 11 the next morning and had some coffee. I was able to hang out with Jini for a little bit and just catch up on my plans for living here. I met this awesome woman, Grace, who was such a sweetheart and writes bible studies. Evan and his friend were over when I was looking at this wedding invitation when I noticed it was for a Mormon couple. Not discerning one bit I start raving on about the crazy Mormon rituals of marriage when I look up to see Ben giving me that “Stop. Please Stop talking. Please.” Look. Turns out, Evans friend was Mormon. I didn’t even think of that. So, I learned my first lesson today with Mormons. I was kind of embarrassed. I’m glad that happened the first day instead of a little later. I got an awkward Mormon experience out of the way. After, we went to Nate and Bekah’s to unload my stuff. We met up with Meredith and she is a doll. I’m excited to start meeting more people. I also got a p.o. box today. We ended up eating over at Nate and Beckah’s and watching the first 2 quarters of the Jazz game (6) with a couple other couples and it was so nice to just be in company with awesome, older, mature folks until we went to Ben’s to finish the game watching with Evan and Beth, Evan’s girlfriend. Ben took me back home and we said goodnight for the first time.

It all is still hovering overhead and nothings settled. It still feels like I’m only visiting. I think once I start something consistent like a job or something it’ll start sinking in that I now live in Utah and I no longer need to remind myself and ask, “When do I leave?” when planning around things. Ugh! SOOOO WEIRD!! But awesome. Completely awesome and perfect.

Day One: Successfully Completed.

[An excerpt from The Shack By William P. Young]

“Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around.” She paused to let Mack think about her statement. “You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.”
“Living unloved is like clipping a birds wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something I want for you.”
“Mack, pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly.” She waited a moment, allowing her words to settle. “And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place.”
“I’m not like you, Mack.”
“I am God. I am who I am. And unlike you, my wings can’t be clipped.”
“Well that’s wonderful for you but where exactly does that leave me?” Mack blurted out, sounding more irritated than he would have liked.
“Smack dab in the center of my love!”
“Mackenzie, I am what some would say ‘holy and wholly other than you’. The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn’t much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I’m not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think.”
“I’m sorry, but those are just words to me. They don’t make much sense.” Mack shrugged.
“Even though you can’t finally grasp me, guess what? I still want to be known.”
“You’re talking about Jesus, right? Is this going to be a let’s-try-to-understand-the-Trinity sort of thing?”
She chuckled. “Sort of, but this isn’t Sunday School. This is a flying lesson. Mackenzie, as you might imagine, there are some advantages to being God. By nature I am completely unlimited, without bounds. I have always known fullness. I live in a state of perpetual satisfaction as my normal state of existence. Just one of the perks of Me being Me.”
“We created you to share in that. But when Adam chose to go it on his own, as we knew he would, and everything got messed up. But instead of scrapping the whole Creation we rolled up our sleeves and entered into the middle of the mess—that’s what we have done in Jesus.”
Mack was hanging in there; trying his best to follow allow her train of thought.
“When we three spoke ourselves into human existence as the Son of God, we be became fully human. We also chose to embrace all the limitations that this entailed. Even though we have always been present in this created universe, we now became flesh and blood. It would be like this bird, whose nature is to fly, choosing only to walk and remain grounded. He doesn’t stop being a bird, but it does alter his experience of life significantly.”
“Although by nature he is fully God, Jesus is fully human and lives as such. While never loosing the innate ability to fly, he CHOOSES moment-by-moment God with us, or God with you, to be more precise.”
“But what about all the miracles? The healings? Raising people from the dead? Doesn’t that prove that Jesus was God—you know, more than human?”

“No, it proves that Jesus is truly human.”
“What?”
“Mackenzie, I can fly, but human’s can’t. Jesus is fully human. Although he is also fully God, he has NEVER drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being. He is just the first to do it the uttermost—the first to absolutely trust my life within him, the first to believe in my love and goodness without regard for appearance or consequence.”
“So when he healed the blind?”
“He did so as a dependent, limited human being trusting in my life and power to be at work within him and through him. Jesus, as a human being, had no power within himself to heal anyone.”
“Only as he rested in his relationship with me, and I our communion—our co-union—could he express my heart and will into any given circumstance. So, when you look at Jesus and it appears the he’s flying, he really is…flying. But what you are actually seeing is me; my life in him. That’s how he lives and acts as a true human, how every human is designed to live—out of my life.

“A bird’s not defined by being grounded but by his ability to fly.
Remember this, humans are not defined by their limitations, but by the intentions that I have for them; not by what they seem to be, but by everything it means to be created in my image.”

[End excerpt]


If you are not familiar with this book, it is about this man, Mackenzie, whose three-year-old daughter gets kidnapped and brutally murdered on a camping trip. The evidence of this is found in a little, old, rundown shack in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of this man’s “great sadness” as the book refers to the tragic incident, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God himself, wanting to meet with Him—at none other than the very shack his heart was left broken.
Mack’s life as a child is first told in this book and it’s a story of abuse and an absent father whose life was lived inside a bottle. The term “Papa” has never played nice in his heart and the fact that his wife called God “Papa” was a twist in his story all together.
In this story, Mack asks the questions that the stereotype Pastors and Priests tell us the reasons why those questions filter through our brains is lack of faith.
A fictional tale that is heartbreaking yet amazing, will open your eyes and hearts to a God who just wants to love you, I recommend this book to anyone who is searching for a deeper relationship with God and questioning what that even looks like.

This excerpt alone has been forever imprinted in my mind. The fact that such an easy idea; tangible idea like a bird and it’s ability to fly can be so easily turned into the amazing love God has for us and how we, as humans and know everything there is to know about life, CHOOSE to not be loved—and most the time, unconsciously or only because we don’t FEEL loved limit ourselves to God’s abundant and never ending, never altering love.

An idea popped into my head as I write this, that my whole plan is to move to Utah and LOVE. I want to love those who are so hard to love or are missing out in love or don’t know Jesus’ love.
I find this little idea about limitations and becoming REALLY TRULY human and LOVE the way God loves us, I HAVE to be in constant relationship with God. It is so easy to talk about God, talk about what He’s doing, about how he’s moving me and settling me, but so often I find myself forgetting to talk TO God, rather than about Him. I have to be saturated in him, in HIM ALONE, not with an agenda to be able to let his love flow out of my pores and onto others. I have to talk with God, not with a plan of action, but because I am madly and head over heels in love with my Savior.

When something great or tragic happens; something crazy, Ben is the first person I call. Why? Because I want to share in all my experiences with him. Why? Because I love him. Because when you are in love, the person you want to tell and talk to and be in communication and community with is the person you are in love with.

This concept is a lot like prayer. When you are in trouble, a difficult week, pray. Are you happy? Sing songs of praise. Are you sick? Pray. Talk to the one you love. It’s this idea of a relationship that God should not be our last, but or first to tell because we are so madly, deeply in love with our Savior.
Prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
God wants a relationship with us. He wants to give us all these amazing things. He wants what is BEST for us. And what is GOOD for us. He wants us to fully experience what we were suppose to.

I want to be fully human. I want my life to be fully lived out of His. I want to be fully saturated in His love, because then, I will better love those around me.

The story of Jesus is so much more powerful and meaningful to me now. He was EXACTLY the same as me in all my humanness…the only difference was that he didn’t limit himself.

This is my prayer. This is my mindset.
I will fall on my face, no doubt.
But that is what is SO beautiful about a relationship with God.
He is the God of 2nd and 3rd and 4th and 5th and 99th chances.
Why?
Because He LOVES me.