Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Can I give up worrying for lent?
I am so sick and tired of worrying about the future, about what’s going to happen if I do this, if I do that, if I don’t do this or that, if I don’t get a loan what will happen. I am sick of worrying about decisions, about “what if’s” in general. I’m done worrying!
Why is it so hard to not worry?
I searched the word “Worrying” on biblegateway.com and was displeased with the results it gave me. I don’t know of any bible stories where a man or woman worried and then something bad happened or the benefits that came from overcoming it or what happened in general. I’m sure there are stories, just none that I know of.
In the gospels it preaches about not worrying, for worrying will get you nowhere.
I KNOW THAT.
That’s why I am usually timid to be vulnerable.
I don’t want what I feel to be mistaken for what I know.
I know that worrying will get you nowhere.
It doesn’t change the fact that my mind and thoughts occupy around what could potentially get me kicked out of school, if I make the right decision to do this, to do that, should I have auditioned for this, financial matters, family matters. Life. In. General.
Lent starts tomorrow, and I am giving up worrying.
There is so much going on in my life right now that I can feel the Devil just perched on my shoulder hissing some sort of devilish sound, digging it’s little devil claws deep in my skin, holding on for dear life. I know that the Devil is going to stick around and do everything in its power to make me stubble and fall from this. But the Devil has already been defeated. I too, will overcome this annoying tick on my shoulder. I know this next month of lent is going to be the hardest month to survive. People give up coffee, or soda, or sugar, or MySpace.
I’m giving up an emotion.
An attribute. (Is it sad that I consider worrying an attribute?)
A personality flaw.
I’m giving up what’s overtaken me this past month, what’s kept me from growing in my relationship with God because I keep having to start over and I keep having to attempt to give this to Him, while this whole time I was just pretending.
This is not creative dramatics.
I really need to give this to Him.
Worrying doesn’t help me.
It doesn’t help my relationship with others.
It doesn’t help my relationship with God.
I want to be able to handle life and the roller coaster ups and downs this world throws at me with determination of conquering it. Not sulking and meditating and growing gray hair over it.
I want to walk like … I have a blindfold over my eyes.
I want to walk with all the junk in my life, and let God lead me though and out of it.
I want to walk by faith.
“"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34