Monday, November 3, 2008
"What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?"
[PMS...]
"Don't they come from the evil desires at war within you?" James 4:1
[Afraid so...]
I can't seem to choose one...
Laugh.
or
cry?
This past week has definitely been an emotional one and I boldly and fully blame the hormones and emotions that seem to be getting worse as each month passes.
I've been rotten and rude and mean and retaliated and stuck my nose so far into the air that I'm surprised with all this cold weather, my nose hairs haven't fallen off.
I have such good friends.
And a wonderful, strong boyfriend that has dealt with this monster inside me way more than he should have.
I ask for your forgiveness.
To any whom I was irrational or illogical or just plain out mean too.
I sulk in these pity parties and the struggles that are currently resting on my shoulders have been magnified this past week and it's been flat out hard.
Here, as I sit in my room, I have this urge to cry?
I'm going to take this up with God before I dose off and hopefully release some of this crummy insecurities that have decided they wanted more attention and direct any of you ladies who are in the same boat to lean on 1 Peter 3:4-6
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."
So badly are my actions of selfish nature and selfish desires and me, me, me expectations and for some reason this time of the month seems to place a cover over my eyes saying it's okay to act this way-you deserve too. Our ultimate goal in doing all this is to feel loved, right? That's why we act like this? We do the, "but, but, but..." with pouty lips because we expect our loved ones and for me, Ben to just make me comfortable. To make me feel beautiful?
That's not beautiful.
And that's not having a quiet and gentle spirit.
And I'm already loved.
By a God who does a way better, more just and unconditional way than anyone else on this earth.
As Ben would say...
blah.
Get over yourself, Nicole.